We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it glows. i had to have it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
