he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
