Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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