You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
