forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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