if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
