Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
