I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
