I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
