Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
