Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
