Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
