Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
