i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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