Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize