i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im holly from the hills drunk
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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