I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
