woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
