Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
