Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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