I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
