he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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