There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
