U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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