Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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