i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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