I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
