Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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