dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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