Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
