mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
