Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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