Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
