Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
