porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize