Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
