Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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