party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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