thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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