we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
