what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
