I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
