He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
