Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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