What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
