Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
