I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
