Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Randomize
