entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
