I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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