remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
