so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
