Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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