Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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