he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
