Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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