whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
