i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
