Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
