xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
