So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
