dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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