I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
