He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
