When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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