my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
