i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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