I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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