So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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