all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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