We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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