i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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