Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
