I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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