I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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