Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
