They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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