i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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