Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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