I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
