It was confusing and full of hummus
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
