I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
