This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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