every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
