Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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